


come home to my heart

by namosjeong



Category: IZONE (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Disclaimer: everything I know about hospitals I learned it from watching Grey's Anatomy, F/F, Fluff, Light Angst, Mentions of other ships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-29 04:52:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18771580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/namosjeong/pseuds/namosjeong
Summary: When Sakura fled, she didn’t just leave behind an unrequited love. She had also left her partner, and her best friend.





	come home to my heart

**Author's Note:**

> this is kind of a spin-off from a [twice social media au](https://twitter.com/namosjeong/status/1104102472421961728) that i wrote on twitter in which sakura was featured as a side character, but then i got this whole idea for her backstory which wouldn't leave my mind so... this happened.

When Chaeyeon told her she had met someone, Sakura hadn't considered it necessary to tell her about her feelings. When things had started getting serious between them, Sakura hadn't been brave enough to say something. And when Chaeyeon told her they were getting married, Sakura thought she had lost her chance.

Apparently, drunk Sakura didn't agree with that assessment and had decided Chayeon's bachelorette party was a good opportunity to finally confess.

It was more or less that series of circumstances that had led to her ending up in another country, without barely knowing the language or having any friends there, but with enough desperation and need to start a new life to overcome those small difficulties.

She had been receiving offers from foreign hospitals for quite some time, being one of the top doctors in your specialty had its perks, but she had never given them any mind until she woke up with the worst hangover of her life the night after her best friend's bachelorette party.

When she had checked her phone, she had seen two things. First, the astounding number of missed calls and unread messages from Chaeyeon. The other, an email from one of Seoul's top hospitals offering her a position there. Sakura had felt it had to be a sign. Her getaway car, arriving just at the right moment.

Maybe she hadn't really thought it through, but at the moment there was only one thing on her mind. She had to run away.

—

"Boss, we have a problem." Sakura sighed, cursing herself internally for the hundredth time for every single choice in her life that had led her to that moment.

"I've told you a thousand times, it's Dr. Miyawaki to you, Choi." She pinched the bridge of her nose and looked up from the charts she had been reading to face the young woman that had just spoken to her. Choi Yena, part-time intern, full-time the bane of her existence.

"Sure, boss. Anyway, Mr. Park's scans don't look very good." She said, ignoring once again Sakura's request to treat her with a little respect. Oh how she missed the first few weeks when everyone had been dazzled by the appearance of a new star surgeon in their hospital that had come all the way from Japan. They had all been nothing but courtly and respectful back then.

Everyone except for Hyewon, of course. She hadn't bothered to hide her weirdness from Sakura not even for a day.

"Let's go see them, then."

Yena was right. They didn't look very good. In fact, they looked terrible. Your-brain-tumor-hasn't-responded-well-to-treatment terrible. Sakura felt her spirits sunk even further. She had wished she'd be able to give Mr. Park and her wife some good news, but it was going to be the opposite.

"We're going to have to go in."

"Will you really be able to extract that? It looks complicated." Yena asked, leaning her head to look at the scan from another angle.

It was very complicated. But Sakura had faced worse. 

"That's what I'm here for, Choi. To deal with the complicated ones."

"You can be so cool sometimes, boss." Yena told her, giving her a goofy smile and a pat on the shoulder.

Sakura looked up, praying for some patience.

—

"That surgery of yours this afternoon looks exciting. I'm in."

Hyewon hadn't even bothered to ask if she could sit with her in the cafeteria, but Sakura had long ago stopped expecting her to do that. Hyewon usually just did whatever she wanted. Most of the time, whatever she wanted consisted of annoying Sakura to death.

"It's not the kind of party you can just invite yourself to."

"I just did." Hyewon looked impassibly at her from across the table, munching on some chips. A bag of snacks wasn't nearly enough food for her, which could only mean one thing. Sakura let out a groan.

"Did you forget your wallet again?"

Hyewon smiled innocently. Sakura sighed, and handed her a couple of bills.

"Take this and buy yourself some lunch. I don't want to have to hear your stomach growling like a beast through my extremely complex potentially fatal surgery."

Yes, Hyewon was annoying, and weird, and very inappropriate most of the time. But she was also kind of the only friend Sakura had in Korea. And, in her own strange way, she had helped through the transition. She spoke Japanese, which she claimed had learned just from watching anime -after getting to know her, Sakura started to believe that was possible- and she was actually a great nurse. So, after getting used to her quirkiness, Sakura had started to appreciate her. At least a little bit.

"So, how are you going to get that bad bitch out?" Hyewon asked when she came back, her tray full of food. Sakura had never seen anyone eat so much and yet never gain a single pound. "I saw the scans and it looked tricky."

"Hopefully, with a lot of patience and a bit of luck."

"Is that also how you try to get girls?" Hyewon laughed at her own joke, and Sakura stabbed her salad with her fork while looking at her intently.

—

Surgery had gone on forever, but it had been a success. Sakura felt immense relief. She hated losing a patient, or not being able to help them. Thankfully, it looked like she would be able to give the Parks some good news today after all.

"Good job today, boss! That was so badass."

"Thank you, Yena." Sakura said, too exhausted to bother to correct her, as she cleaned her hands. "You were really good too."

Yena smiled as if Christmas had come early at the praise. She was a pain in the ass sometimes, especially when she got into one of her pranking moods, but she had potential. Sakura saw it in her, and that was the reason why she had requested her to be in her service most of the time. Of course, she would rather jump off the 14th floor than admit that to the younger woman.

"The girls and I are going out for drinks tonight, do you want to come?" The girls were Yena's other intern friends, who were equally or even more annoying than her. She had heard horror stories from Chief Kwon about one of the youngest, Ahn whatever.

"I'm afraid I can't tonight." She refused. "Don't drink too much, we have an early morning tomorrow." She told her before going into the changing rooms to take out her scrubs and change into her casual clothes.

"You always say that! Is it because you don't want to hang out with the masses? We're not that bad, I promise. Or do you have some cool secret plans?"

Sure, if getting home to a cold empty apartment that was way too big for only her, eating instant ramen for dinner and lying on the couch watching infomercials until she fell asleep were considered cool secret plans.

"I'm just tired, Choi. You know, it's hard being old."

—

Sakura dreamed of her many nights.

It was painful, how much she missed Chaeyeon sometimes. Physically painful. Like a phantom limb that kept aching even though it was no longer there.

Even if she tried her best not to think about it, it was useless. Even in a foreign country, so many miles away from her, everything kept reminding her of Chaeyeon. She felt pathetic, but above all, she felt lonely.

Sakura had never felt that way before, although she had always been kind of a loner. She was an only child, but she had never minded. She spent her teenage years with few friends, but she was content. She had always been independent. She had her studies, and her games, and her books. She could entertain herself.

And then, her first year of university, Chaeyeon had showed up in her life to put it upside down. Sakura had been starstruck from their first meeting, when Chaeyeon had approached her to tell her she had seen her at her biology class, and that she wanted to ask if she wanted to join a study group with her and a couple of friends.

Chaeyeon was the prettiest girl Sakura had ever seen, so she obviously said yes without even thinking about it.

For a choice made so irrationally, she was pretty sure it had been the best of her life.

She met Chaeyeon's friends, Hitomi and Nako. They were nice, and Sakura grew fond of them and their study sessions. Her favorite part, however, was getting to hang out with Chaeyeon afterwards, having a cup of coffee or just walking around campus when they needed to clear their heads after so many hours of studying.

That was how they got to know each other. She found out Chaeyeon was Korean, but her family had moved to Japan when she was 13. She had a younger sister, who looked a lot like her from what Sakura could tell when she was shown a picture of her. 

Once, Chaeyeon had asked her why she was studying medicine, and Sakura realized she didn't know. "It's what my parents expected of me, I guess." She said, shrugging her shoulders. There had been nothing else that had caught her attention, that she wanted to do more than this. So she had settled for the rational choice. Her parents were doctors, she was intelligent enough for it. It was the logical next step.

She was afraid that Chaeyeon would judge for just conforming to expectations like that, but she should have known she was too good for that. "Maybe you'll find your passion for it while we're learning about it. And, if you don't, it's never too late to change your mind." She had said, optimistic as always, and for once Sakura had felt like that too.

In the end, she had become passionate about medicine. But, if she was being honest with herself, she was sure that it was Chaeyeon who had sparked that love in her. Her own passion for the discipline was contagious, and it had gotten to Sakura though the endless hours they spent together cramming for their exams and reading the latest papers available to always be one step ahead of everyone else.

Sakura had always been a loner, but somehow Chaeyeon had managed to make herself indispensable in Sakura's life.  Maybe that was why her life right felt so empty after she had left her.  

—

Mina was like a breath of fresh air.

Sakura was having some trouble with her immigration paperwork, and she really didn't want to get deported. Hyewon had told her they could just get married, Sakura told her she had watched The Proposal too many times and went with the most sensible option of finding herself a good lawyer.

Mina's buffet was apparently one of the best in the city, so it was the one that was recommended to her. Mina was assigned to her case and, well, Sakura wasn't blind. She was incredibly pretty, and her kind smile and her quiet voice stole Sakura's heart within five minutes after meeting her. Or they would have, if she hadn't left it all the way back in Japan. When she caught Mina playing PUBG on her phone while she waited before one of their meetings, she was sure it was a sign for her to make a move.

She could almost hear Hyewon's voice in her mind. "You need to move on. That's what you came here for, right? Not to keep moping over her forever. It's been six months"

So Sakura tried. When her case was solved, she asked Mina out, getting an affirmative answer a week later.

Their first dates were good, great even. It was obvious they both enjoyed spending time with the other, and Mina being Japanese made it even better since she didn't have to suffer through Sakura's broken Korean. Still, no matter how much fun they had together, Sakura knew from the start it wasn't going anywhere. There was something missing. Maybe it was a spark, maybe it was still too soon for her. But it was clear both of their hearts were elsewhere. So when Mina and her had decided to stop seeing each other romantically, Sakura only felt relief.

She knew she hadn't lost anything, but at least she had gained a friend.

—

She should have known something was about to go wrong when Yena ran up to her with a huge smile on her face. That was never a good sign.

"Boss, look what I found!" She had a piece of paper in her hand, and she waved it at Sakura until she took it. "I was looking for some papers while studying and this came up."

It was a news article, and when Sakura really looked at it she felt her breath get caught up in her throat.

_"Dr. Lee and Dr. Miyawaki win the prize for young medicine promises for their research on brain tumor cells."_

There was a picture. It was the first time she had seen Chaeyeon since she left.  Sakura had no medical explanation for the piercing pain in her heart she felt at the sight of something so insignificant as a printed photograph.

"You look so young here!"

Sakura realized she had to say something, before her intern noticed how distraught she was, and quickly slipped back into her role. "Are you saying I look old now?" She glared at Yena, whose eyes opened up almost comically when she realized her mistake.

"No?"

Without saying anything else, and enjoying having put Yena in an uncomfortable position instead of the other way around for a change, Sakura walked away to continue checking on her patients. Still, she couldn't take her mind of the article all day.

She remembered that day as if it had been yesterday, even if it had happened more than a decade ago. It had been their first big achievement, which made it more memorable. But it had only been the first of many more they would get. Together, always together. The perfect team, they had been called.

When Sakura fled, she didn’t just leave behind an unrequited love. She had also left her partner, and her best friend.

"Why are you extra mopey today?" Hyewon was never shy with her questions. If she noticed something was wrong, and she always noticed, she would just ask. Sakura didn't know if she liked that about her, or if she hated it. 

"I'm not." Sakura replied, not taking her eyes off the chart she was reading. Mostly because she didn't want to see Hyewon staring at her with that look she always got when she was trying to figure her out, it was so intense it freaked her out. In the end, it was useless. Hyewon read her like an open book.

"It's about her, isn't it?"

Sakura sighed, knowing it was pointless to deny it. Hyewon didn't know the full story, but Sakura had babbled some of it to her one night at the bar after taking a couple more drinks than she should have. She regretted that moment of weakness immensely.

"Well, mopey you is annoying, so we're going to have to do something about it."

And that was how Sakura ended up in her apartment with Hyewon, who insisted on putting on some kind of anime about high school girls who liked to sing for her because she was “one hundred per cent sure” it would cheer her up.

Hyewon had ordered the greasiest take-out food she had been able to find, because according to her that was the best cure for heartbreak.

"When my girlfriend and I took a break and almost broke up it was all ate." Hyewon spoke about her alleged girlfriend often, although she always got all mysterious about it when Sakura asked about her identity. Between that, and the fact that Hyewon flirted with everything that moved, Sakura had serious doubts about her existence.

The food did make Sakura feel a little better. At least the pizza took the bitter flavor of sadness and nostalgia off her mouth.

"You should have been an idol." Hyewon said out of the blue, as she saw the animated characters perform a song on the TV. Sakura snorted, and the soda she was drinking almost came out of her nose.

  
"I'm serious!" Hyewon whined as Sakura kept laughing. "You've got the looks for it, and you have charisma when you're not busy being grumpy and sad."

"You haven't seen me dance."

"Just wait until I get you drunk enough."

"I'm never getting drunk around you. I don't trust you as far as I can throw you."

—

"So she broke up with you?" Sakura asked, leaving the controllers alone for a moment, which Mina mercilessly took advantage of to finish off her character in the game. It was one of their game slash therapy slash pity party nights, in which they ate junk food, drank wine, played on Sakura's PlayStation and whined about everything wrong in their lives, which apparently was a lot.

"Why aren't you more sad about this? Isn't she like, the love of your life? And your best friend?" When Mina had asked her to meet tonight, saying she had just broken up with her girlfriend and that it was an emergency, she was expecting her to be devastated and crying her eyes out. She had even bought extra tissues just in case she needed them, but instead Mina showed up with a pizza looking as if nothing bad had ever happened to her.

"I'm not giving up. I have a plan."

"Let me guess, you're just trying not to think about how it can go wrong and focusing on that hope of yours that you'll get her back with your plan so you can’t get all depressed."

"Exactly."  Mina replied, grabbing a slice of pizza from the box and giving it a big bite.

"I don't think suppressing your feelings is very healthy, or so I've been told."

"You're one to talk. How long has it been since you left Japan? Why haven't you even tried to move on?"

"There's no one better than her." Sakura said, simply. It wasn't like she hadn't tried, but she had quickly grown tired. What was the point when she knew she wasn't going to find anyone as good as Chaeyeon? There was no one as nice and pure as her, no one who understood Sakura the way she did. Sometimes, even better than she understood herself.

"You know, thinking like that can't be healthy either."

"Imagine trying to move on from Sana." Sakura gave her a pointed look.

Mina winced. "I think I get it."

—

She still talked to Nako sometimes, but she never said anything about Chaeyeon. It wasn't like Sakura asked either, she wasn't brave enough. She didn't know what would feel worse, to find out she missed her or to know she had gone on to live happily with her husband and that she didn't even think about her anymore. Those doubts lingered on her mind all the time, though, and there were days when it was bearable but others it was just terrible.

Today was one of those days. She had just gotten off the phone after a thirty minute conversation with Nako in which they both kept pretending the other didn't remember what day it was or why it was special, and Sakura felt like shit. She blamed it on her hormones going insane before her period when she started crying all of a sudden while reading the newspaper. The most embarrassing part was that she was not alone when it happens.

"Boss? What's wrong?" Yena looked concerned as she put a hand on her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. "Did you read that news about the dog shelter that burned down? Because I almost cried too, but they managed to get all the puppies out safe and sound."

Sakura let out a laugh, although the tears kept coming and Yena was even more puzzled than before. "Dr. Miyawaki? Is everything alright?" She asked again, more hesitantly. Sakura didn't answer, so she just handed her a pack of tissues and waited for the tears to stop.

"Sorry. It’s a… difficult day." Sakura apologized, knowing she probably looked pitiful. But Yena wasn't making fun of her

"Bad memories?"

"Something like that."

It was Chaeyeon's birthday. The memories weren't the problem, the fact that she wouldn’t get to relive them was what really hurt. She just missed her so much.

She remembered how they had spent her last birthday, when Sakura took her to see a ballet company. Dancing was Chaeyeon's other love, and she had been so happy to share it with her best friend. Sakura had the feeling she wasn't able to fully appreciate the performance, but seeing how much Chaeyeon enjoyed it was enough. They had walked back home afterwards, stopping at a street cart to buy some food to eat. They held hands the whole way back, and Sakura let herself believe it meant something that night, even if they were used to doing it all the time.

"You know what? I know exactly what to do to make you feel better. Meet me at the entrance this evening when we're off duty!" Yena looked resolute.

"Yena, really, there's no need."

"No! I won't take no for an answer. I can't let my mentor be all sad like this."

"Your mentor, huh? Where did you even get that idea?" Sakura arched an eyebrow.

Yena smiled smugly. "I found out you asked for me to be on your service more."

Sakura groaned. She was never going to live that down.

"And now that we're officially mentor and mentee, it's my duty to make sure you're okay! So, tonight we're going out."

It was a losing battle, so she didn't try to decline her offer another time. At least she might get a few drinks out of this tonight, Sakura thought.

—

Sakura felt a little out of place between all the interns, and she wondered why the hell she had agreed to that. Yena was very nice, though, introducing her to those she didn't know and handing her drinks whenever her glass was empty. They were all already a little buzzed when someone, she was pretty sure it was the one who looked a little too intimidating for an intern sometimes -Chaewon?- yelled that they should all go to a karaoke.

Sakura was about to say she should be going home, but then human tower Ahn Yujin put an arm around her shoulders and dragged her along with the rest of them to the nearest karaoke before she could open her mouth. Sakura was definitely too old for all of that.

She quickly forgot all about her reluctance and, thankfully, the reason why she felt so sad in the first place, when they were a few drinks and a about seven songs in. Sakura was actually having fun, even if she had been forced to sing a Red Velvet song when she had somehow let it slip that they were her favorite group. Yena's girlfriend, a nurse called Yuri, had a pretty great voice and when the rest were not all just yelling along as well it wasn't unpleasant to listen to.

"Are you having a good time?" Yena had plopped down next to her, and looked at her expectantly. It was obvious from the blush on her cheeks that she had drunk a little more than strictly necessary too.

"You know what? I think I am."

Yena cheered loudly at that, and the rest of the girls followed even if they didn't know what it was about.

The hangover the next day was terrible, but when Hyewon brought her a cup of coffee and a couple of pills Sakura felt like maybe it was worth it.

 —

Sakura didn't really care for parties, even more when she was supposed to be the center of attention. But alas, it was customary to throw a party when you were given an important recognition, so she couldn't escape it this time. Especially not after Hyewon took the liberty of organizing the whole thing for her. She was just told to "invite her friends", which she didn't have an abundance of, so she texted Mina and told her to bring some of hers if she could. Maybe it was a little sad, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

"Do you think Dr. Kwon is flirting with that girl?" Sakura asked Hyewon, as she tried to look at the pair as subtly as possible. They had caught her eye because Mina kept staring at them with a sour expression. It was a little strange, because she had told them the girl she had come to the party with was just a friend, but her eyes threw daggers at Eunbi every time she leaned in closer to the other girl to hear her over the noise of the party.

"I hope she isn't, considering I'm dating her."

"You're what?" Sakura choked on the wine she was drinking, and the other woman had to pat her back until she caught her breath again.

"Dating. We're a couple." Hyewon deadpanned.

"Your girlfriend is Dr. Kwon? Your girlfriend is the Chief of the hospital?" Sakura asked her, eyes wide in surprise. There was no way she could have ever seen this coming. Hyewon making up an imaginary girlfriend sounded ten times more believable than her being in a relationship with Kwon Eunbi.

"Yeah." For the first time since Sakura had known her, Hyewon looked bashful. "Sorry I didn't tell you sooner, it's just that when you're dating the Chief people start... assuming things. So we try to be a little private about it."

Considering the way Hyewon talked about it, Sakura could guess there was a story behind it, but she would have to ask about it later.

"How long have you been together?"

"Four years, six months and twenty three days." Hyewon said with a bright smile. It was a little cute how excited she seemed to be able to talk about it freely.

"Wow. Okay." Sakura replied, still a little in shock. It only got worse when Eunbi came along, and casually wrapped an arm around Hyewon's waist.

"Do you hate these kinds of parties too?" She asked Sakura, who tried to keep her eyes on hers and not stare at them being all couple-like in front of her.

"Yeah, they are terrible." She said, acting purely on autopilot.

"Well, Miyawaki, cheer up. Something tells me this prize won't be the only good news you'll get this month!" Eunbi patted her shoulder. Sakura really didn't like the teasing tone in her voice. If there was one thing she hated it was surprises.  "Well, we should go home. I'm exhausted. Aren't you tired too, baby?" Hyewon nodded at her girlfriend's question.

Baby. Eunbi had called her baby. Sakura was pretty sure she had stepped into a parallel universe somehow. One in which very serious, very responsible Kwon Eunbi would date very weird, very inappropriate most of the time Kang Hyewon.

She had so many questions to ask Hyewon the next time they saw each other.

—

Sakura was getting sick of the angry whispers going on behind her while she checked on a patient who was recovering after surgery. She had been assigned Ahn Yujin and Jang Wonyoung as interns for the week, and by Wednesday she was already missing Yena more than she could have ever thought possible. Apparently, they were childhood friends, but they wouldn't stop bickering like an old married couple and it was starting to get on her nerves.

"Can you please leave your lover's quarrel for when your shift is done, we're trying to work here." She told them, taking notice of how they both suddenly went shut up and blushed furiously. Bingo. Sakura smiled. She had found the perfect way to keep them quiet.

She gave her patient a knowing smile and continued the examination. When they were done, she walked out of the room asking Wonyoung and Yujin some questions about a procedure they would have to perform later, but she stopped dead in her tracks when she saw a familiar figure in a white coat walking down the other side of the hallway.

"It can't be."

"Dr. Miyawaki?" Wonyoung asked her after she had been quiet and frozen in the spot for more than a minute. "Is everything okay?"

Yujin moved her hand right in front of her eyes, and Sakura suddenly reacted. It must have been a trick of her own mind. There was no way she could be there, in Korea, in the same hospital as her. It just wasn't possible. Maybe she had reached that point of missing her in which she started to hallucinate.

But she had seen her. And she would recognize her, even from behind, anywhere.

"I'm sorry girls, I just remembered I have to go talk with Dr. Kwon. I'll be back."

Yujin and Wonyoung looked dumbfounded as Sakura ran down the hall heading towards the Chief's office.

"Yena was right, she _is_ weird."

—

"Did you hire Lee Chaeyeon?"

Sakura blurted out as soon as she stepped a foot in Chief Kwon's office. She hadn't even bothered to knock before entering. She usually would be appalled at her own lack of manners, but the situation had her far too distraught to worry about that. She needed answers, and she needed them straight away. She felt like she was going crazy.

"That was not the way I expected you to react. I thought you'd be happy to have your partner here with you! Did you have a falling out? Hyewon said you two are good friends."

"I'm going to kill your girlfriend."

Eunbi blinked, still confused by the whole situation. "Wait, this was not her. Chaeyeon asked us for a job. Said she wanted to come back to Korea."

Sakura stared at Eunbi for a whole minute. She could not believe her. "She did what?"

By then, Eunbi had realized there was something going on she had no clue about. She had never seen Sakura this upset. She had thought this would be a nice surprise for her, but it was turning out to be the complete opposite.

"She specifically asked if there was any vacant position for her in this hospital." Eunbi answered honestly. "Given her extraordinary resumée and her reputation, I offered her a job right away."

Why would Chaeyeon do that? Why would she come all the way to Korea for a job at the same hospital where her former best friend was working at? Didn't she have a husband to take care of in Japan? Had he come here to? Hadn't Sakura ran away far enough?

Sakura was waiting to be woken up from the nightmare any moment, but it never happened.

—

As it turned out, Sakura had been right to ask Eunbi about Chaeyeon. Otherwise, she would have spent a long time thinking she was losing her mind. During the following couple of weeks, Sakura could only catch glimpses of Chaeyeon, and she was gone before Sakura could work up the courage to face her. It was like she had some kind of radar that detected whenever Sakura was near her and made her disappear. Sakura didn't know if she should feel relieved or disappointed.

"I had surgery with Dr. Lee today. She's very nice." Hyewon told her calmly as she sat down next to her in the cafeteria. Sakura acted as if she hadn't heard her, but the grip on her chopsticks tightened. Hyewon was actually a little concerned she was going to snap them in half. "You still haven't talked to her?"

"She disappears every time I'm near."

"You haven't tried very hard."

Sakura groaned. "What am I supposed to say? I'm sorry for being the world's worst best friend? I'm sorry for getting drunk and confessing my undying love for you in your bachelorette party? I'm sorry for running away to another country after that? I'm sorry for ignoring you for almost a year?"

"Damn boss, your life is more entertaining than a drama." A sudden voice coming from her right side startled her.

"Yena? When the hell did you get here?" Sakura yelled at her intern, who had sat down in the same table as them and happily munched on some fries as she listened to their conversation.

"A while. You didn't notice?"

Sakura covered her face with her hands, feeling mortified.

"Anyway, that second part sounded fine. You should definitely apologize for running away." Hyewon said, as if their talk hadn't been interrupted at all. "I'm sure she's feeling hurt about that."

"Then why did she come here?"

"Maybe she missed you?"

Sakura let out a bitter laugh. "Don't be stupid, Yena. She probably hates me by now. She probably came to torment me." Sakura didn't really believe that. Chaeyeon was far too nice to do something just to hurt someone else.  It was one of the reasons she loved her so much.

"It sounds kind of stupid following someone you hate to another country. But what do I know." Hyewon said, shrugging her shoulders.

"Maybe she wants to fix things? You guys were best friends." Yena added. Sakura was really starting to hate how she could feel her hope growing because of them both.

"You won't know until you talk to her." Hyewon sentenced.

Sakura whined. Why did she always have to be right?

—

"You could have told me Chaeyeon was coming here." Sakura saw Nako grimace on the screen of her phone. Maybe starting their conversation with that had been a little harsh, but after almost two weeks she was quickly running out of patience.

"I'm sorry. She made us promise not to tell you." Nako explained apologetically.

"Why?"

"Haven't you talked to her?"

Now it was Sakura's turn to look embarrassed. "She hasn't even looked at me since she got here. It doesn't look like she wants to talk to me."

"Don't you think you should at least try? I mean, she must have gone there for a reason. And you're the only one there that she knows. Not to mention there must be a reason she called the wedding off like that-"

"She did what?" Sakura cut her off. She probably heard that wrong. "Chaeyeon didn't get married?"

"No. She didn't." Nako looked confused. "I thought you would have found out by now-"

"Sorry, Nako, I have to go."

—

Sakura felt like she should really stop acting purely based on impulses. It wasn't working out great for her so far. Still, she couldn't stop herself from looking for Chaeyeon all over the hospital, actively seeking her out for the first time since she had found out she was there. Who would have known Nako's words would give her the push she needed to do that? Finally, she found her in one of the resting rooms, apparently having just woken up from a nap. As soon as she saw Sakura she visibly tensed up.

"Nako told me you didn’t get married." She blurted out

"That's the first thing you say to me after so many months?" Chaeyeon asked her incredulously, looking more than a little annoyed and rightfully so. But Sakura felt too unsettled to do the sensible thing and shut up, leave her alone and pretend this hadn't happened. All the questions that had been in her mind for weeks threatened to spill out from her mouth, and she couldn't hold them all back.

"Why did you come here?"

"Why did _you_ come here?" Chaeyeon replied, crossing her arms in a defensive gesture.

"You know why." Sakura said, looking down at the ground. Her cheeks burned when she remembered that night.

"No. I know you said some things to me, while you were drunk at my bachelorette party. And then you were gone. You didn't even tell me, you just disappeared. Do you know how that feels?" Chaeyeon's voice sounded almost broken. Sakura glanced at her, and she hated herself for making Chaeyeon look like that. Angry, heartbroken. Almost devastated.

"So I thought I would be the bigger person and come here. But every time I see you I get so... furious. Because how could you leave me just like that? And sad. Because if you could do that, what does that say about how much I meant to you?"

Sakura wished she could express just how hard leaving Chaeyeon was. How she hasn't been able to stop thinking about her, every moment of every day, even after moving to another country. How it hurt, staying away from her, how many tears she had shed because of that. How many times she had picked up the phone and almost called her before cowardice got the best of her.

"It was the hardest thing I've ever done."

"And yet you still did it." Chaeyeon sentenced, wiping away with the back of her hand the few stray tears that were rolling down her cheeks.

—

Sakura hadn't dared approached Chaeyeon again after how wrong their last conversation had gone. Still, she could only stay away from the other woman for so long. When she found her sitting alone at the bar they all usually came to for drinks after work, she sat down on the stool next to hers.

"I'm sorry about the other day."

"Is that the only thing you're sorry for?" Chaeyeon asked her without looking up from her glass.

"No. There are many things I regret."

Chaeyeon stared at her, before finally deciding she was too tired to argue. She was too tired to keep up the front, to keep avoiding her and pretending she wasn't dying to speak with her. So she gave in. Maybe they could pretend things were back to normal, even if it was just for a while.

"How was your day?" She asked her, and Sakura bit her lip to suppress a smile.

"Long. How about yours?"

"Longer."

It was easy, speaking to Chaeyeon about trivial things. About how her annoying interns were getting better, about the surgery she'd had to perform the next day. She could almost forget about everything else. But the question lingered in the air, the one that Sakura hadn't dare ask during their previous conversation.

"Why didn't you get married?"

Chaeyeon sighed, twirling the half-empty glass of soju in her hand. "Because I realized I'd be settling for my second choice. And neither of us deserved that."

Sakura's heart pounded so hard she could hear it resounding in her ears. "Who was your first?"

"I think you know."  Chaeyeon looked at her like she was waiting for her to say something. But Sakura, being the idiot that she was, froze. Chaeyeon looked down when the silence was prolonged. "I see you still only brave when you're drunk."

Sakura thought she had learned from her mistakes, but she let Chaeyeon let go once more, not saying anything as she put on her jacket and walked out of the bar.

—

Hyewon hit her on the head. Hard. Sakura wished she could say she didn't deserve it.

"She practically confessed to you and you didn't say anything? Just let her walk away?" She was really regretting telling her about what had happened when Hyewon had come to her place for their weekly horror movie night, but she needed to tell someone. The jumble of contradicting thoughts in her head was slowly driving her insane.

Sakura took a long swing of her glass of wine. When she said it like that it sounded even worse. Hyewon looked exasperated and like she wanted to hit her again, but thankfully she held back. "This girl is way too good for you."

"I know that."

"But there's a way to solve that issue."

Sakura let out a bitter laugh at Hyewon's optimism. She certainly didn't see it that way. "How?"

"You need to get better. You need to make up for everything you've put her, and yourself, through." Hyewon looked at her, more serious than Sakura had ever seen her.

Sakura shook her head. She felt like it was too late. She had screwed up too much. "I don't know if I can do that."

"You can and you will. Or are you really that much of a coward that you're going to let the love of your life get away from you after she even followed you to another country?"

"That does sound stupid." Sakura admitted.

"Yeah. Because it is. Like pretty much every decision you make."

Sakura couldn't argue against that. "I don't even know where to begin."

"How about with an apology? Preferably followed by an explanation."

It was a start, Sakura guessed. And it had been a long time coming. She still wasn't sure she deserved her best friend's forgiveness, or even a second chance. But maybe she had to try. Maybe she owed it, not to herself, but to Chaeyeon.

—

_Sakura: Hey_

_Sakura: I hope you haven't changed your number_

_Sakura: It's Sakura_

_Sakura: In case you have deleted mine_

_Sakura: Anyway_

_Sakura: I just wanted to ask you something_

_Sakura: Would you like to come over to my place for dinner?_

_Sakura: I'll cook your favorite for you._

_Sakura: I want to talk. Properly, this time._

_Sakura: I'll understand if you refuse._

 

_Chaeyeon: Is Friday okay?_

 

_Sakura: Sure! I'll text you the address_

—

Cooking had always been something Sakura was good at, even if the amount of instant ramen she ate didn't show it. It wasn't like she didn't enjoy it, but it usually felt pointless when she had to do it just for herself. She liked cooking for someone else, knowing she had been able to make them feel a little better with some good food. And Chaeyeon had always been her favorite person to cook for.

It had all started with a fight. They didn't argue often, but as any people as close as they were there was bound to be a heated discussion from time to time. The problem was that Sakura was usually the one in the wrong, and it made her feel awful. So, as a way of apologizing, she had one day come up with the idea of cooking for Chaeyeon. She had even looked up Korean recipes, knowing the other girl loved the food. After a few silly arguments, she had mastered Chaeyeon's favorite dishes.

That was exactly what she was cooking for tonight. Sakura was working really hard for everything to be perfect, because she would need nothing less than that to start earning Chaeyeon's forgiveness after what was her worst fuck up yet.

 When Chaeyeon got there, everything was in place and the food smelled delicious, but Sakura was still so nervous she felt like she was going to throw up. Because, this time, the food wouldn't be enough. She had prepared her speech, memorized it, but when the time she had deemed the best to say it came she couldn't remember any of the words.

"I don't know where to start." She finally blurted out. "With my apology. Because I know I was such a coward and I screwed up so much."

"Just say whatever you feel. You don't need to overthink it." Chaeyeon said, giving her a small smile. She had always been too understanding.

"I really thought I was doing the right thing, letting you be happy with him by going away. I felt like either you hated me for ruining our friendship or you would pity me for having unrequited feelings for you. So I left, so you could be happy. But I should have at least tried to talk to you. That's... that's how we've always done things. Together, talking." It was how they had chosen their specialization, how they had chosen the hospital they wanted to work at, how they settled their professional and personal disagreements.

They were a team. But Sakura had broken that.

"I see now, how much I hurt you. How much of an idiot I was because I didn’t take your feelings into account. And I understand if you can't forgive me, but I hope you do. Because I really miss my best friend, and there's nothing I want more than to get her back. And because I promise I won’t make those same mistakes again."

Sakura felt exhausted after saying all of that, as if she had been running a marathon.  It was the most she had talked about it, the most she had opened up and really thought about her feelings, about why she had done what she had done. It felt draining, but it also felt kind of relieving to get it all out.

"I miss mine too. Maybe I should have tried coming here to talk to you sooner, I should have remembered how much of an idiot you can be when you overthink." Chaeyeon said, making Sakura smile.

“I still can’t believe you’re here.”

“Sometimes I can’t believe it either. How sad is it, that despite how mad I was at you I still couldn’t take being away for any longer?” Chaeyeon asked, looking a little embarrassed.

“I think it’s sadder to feel miserable because you know something is missing but doing nothing to fix that. So I’m really happy you came.” Sakura said, trying to convey all of her honesty.

“I’m happy I came too.”  They shared a smile, and Sakura felt her shoulders relax. Maybe this could go well.

They talked through dinner, the awkwardness between them diminishing the more they caught up with each other and explained everything they had been going through during the last few months.

“Hyewon told me you hooked up with a hot lawyer.” Chaeyeon said, apparently teasing but Sakura could detect a hint of something more. Like she’s more interested in the answer than she wanted to let on.

“I’m sure those were her exact words.” Sakura groaned. “We didn’t hook up. We dated for like two seconds, and then realized we were better off as friends.”

“And you kept contact?”

“It’s nice having a sane friend, unlike Hyewon, you know.” She joked, making Chaeyeon laugh. Her heart soared at the sound. She had really missed it. “We have game night once a week.” Sakura stated proudly.

“Oh, so she’s a nerd like you.”

“Me, a nerd? Says the one who had to literally be dragged away from her textbooks during university because she studied too much.”

It felt like a new beginning. A second chance Sakura promised to herself she wasn’t going to waste.

—

"You look happier." Mina said, eating some chips while they waited for the game to load.

"I am." Things were going better. So much better. Chaeyeon and her were working together again. They were talking, Sakura would even say they were back to being friends. It was almost like she had never left. Almost. Because, of course, there was some stuff neither of them talked about. Like Sakura’s confession that started this whole mess. Or Chaeyeon’s words at the bar that night that hinted she might feel the same.

There was that underlying tension sometimes, but Sakura didn’t know what to do to lessen it. It was still too soon. Their friendship was still too fragile to burden it with all that mess of feelings. So they avoided the subject, and prayed it wouldn’t blow up in their faces again. Sakura hoped that, if it did, she’d be prepared to deal with it now. 

“Are you thinking about Chaeyeon again?” Mina asked her, an eyebrow raised.

“What? No.” Sakura laughed it off, not very convincingly.

“I though mopey Sakura was bad, but lovesick Sakura might be worse.”

Sakura grumbled under her breath, knowing she doesn’t really have any arguments to refute that fact. “You can’t complain about this after what you put me through last week when we went to your place.”

“I didn’t do anything!”

“I had to witness you being absolutely disgusting with your girlfriends. And you have _two_ of them.” Sakura complained. She still didn’t know how that worked, but when she had seen them all together she could see that it did. They were cute, and very obviously in love.  It had made her a little envious, if she had to be honest.

“It’s not my fault they’re affectionate!”

“I’m not even going to talk about where Nayeon’s hands probably were under that blanket, because you were playing terribly that night.”

Mina blushed furiously, and Sakura knew she had won when she stuffed her mouth with another dumpling to avoid having to reply to her.

—

When Hyewon had told her, blushing for what Sakura thought had to be the second time in all her life, that Eunbi had proposed and they were getting married, she had been ecstatic for her friend. A few weeks later, however, she was starting to regret that initial enthusiasm.

“Have you asked her yet?” If they had given Sakura 1000 won for every time Hyewon had asked her that same question during the last few weeks she would probably be a millionaire by now.

“You know she hasn’t.” Yena answered for her, while Sakura didn’t even lift her gaze from the salad in front of her.

“What are you waiting for? The wedding is coming soon.” Hyewon said, as if she needed the reminder.

“Who plans a wedding in such little time?” Sakura complained.

“It’s a small ceremony.” Hyewon shrugged her shoulders. “And I’m basically saying yes to everything Eunbi wants because I don’t really care about which colors the napkins are and I want her to have the wedding of her dreams.”

That was true. Hyewon and Eunbi had skipped most of the stress and the drama that usually came with organizing a wedding. The only thing Sakura had seen Hyewon argue passionately about with her fiancée had been the menu, and they had also settled that issue quickly.

“Hey guys! What are you talking about?” Chaeyeon suddenly appeared with her own food tray, giving them all that dazzling smile that always made Sakura’s heart skip a beat, as she took a seat in their table.

Hyewon and Yena shared a look that made Sakura see her life flash in front of her eyes. It was never good when those two conspired together, and it was always against her.

“Nothing important. But Sakura did mention she had something to ask you.” Yena said, trying to appear as innocent as possible although the glint of mischievousness in her eyes didn’t go unnoticed by Sakura.

“Oh, shit, Yena, shouldn’t we be doing our rounds right now?” Hyewon should have been an actress. She sounded really convincing saying that line. Yena, on the other hand, not so much.

“Oh, yeah! We should totally go, sorry guys!”

Despite Yena’s lackluster acting, the two of them got what they wanted, and Sakura was left alone with a confused Chaeyeon.

“What’s up with them?” She asked her, looking puzzled.

“Who knows.”

“What was it that you wanted to ask?”

Sakura was really tempted to brush it off and say she had no idea what Hyewon had been talking about. Really tempted. But she had been pushing back this moment for weeks, trying but the words always got stuck in her throat.

“Do you want to go to the wedding with me?” She finally blurted out.

Chaeyeon furrowed her brow in confusion. “Well, they invited me too so I’m already going.”

“No, I meant... with me. As in, going to the wedding together.” Sakura’s explanation was terrible, but it seemed to finally get through Chaeyeon what she was actually asking.

“Oh.” She said slowly, apparently caught completely off guard. “You mean... as in... going as your date?”

“Yeah.” Sakura’s hands were sweating. Her heart seemed to be beating faster than it was humanly possible. She was pretty sure she was going to have a stroke if Chaeyeon didn’t answer soon. Of maybe she would anyway. “If that’s something you want.”

“It is.” Chaeyeon smiled, and Sakura felt her lungs start working properly again. “It really is.”

“Good. Great. Wow, that was the most nerve-wracking thing I’ve ever done and I open up people’s skulls in daily basis.”

Chaeyeon let out a laugh, and reached over the table to take Sakura’s hand in hers. “You’re an idiot.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

—

The wedding was beautiful. Both brides looked as gorgeous as expected, but it was the pure love in thier eyes as they looked at each other that really got Sakura. She might or might have not shed a few tears, but thankfully Chaeyeon hadn’t teased her about it. Probably because she was too busy with her own. Maybe they were both a couple of saps.

Hyewon had been right about it being a small, intimate ceremony, but it was still lovely. Every detail seemed perfect. Eunbi had done a great job. In Hyewon’s defense, the food was also excellent.

“How are the girls, Yena?” Sakura asked during the main course.

“Jealous that I got invited to the chief’s wedding.” Yena boasted, and her girlfriend looked at her with annoyance and affection at the same time.

“You just got invited because of me. Hyewon and I have been friends for years.” Yuri said, and she was partly right because she had worked with the other nurse for longer.

“We’re friends too!” Yena told her indignantly. “Dr. Miyawaki, Hyewon and I are a team. Like the musketeers.”

"A team of idiots. The foolsketeers.”

Sakura and Chaeyeon snickered at their bickering. Sakura was especially thankful for the distraction. She had been given the responsibility to make a speech as Hyewon’s best woman and, as the moment neared, she felt more nervous. Her Korean was still lacking, and as much as she complained about Hyewon giving her the responsibility she had felt deeply touched and wanted to do well. Chaeyeon seemed to notice her fidgeting and wrapped her hands around Sakura’s.

“You’ll do great, you’ll see.” She told her with a soft smile. It really was amazing how she could reassure her and instantly make her feel calmer with just a few words. “People won’t mind your accent, it’s cute, and if you stumble over your words they’ll find it endearing. This is your best friend’s wedding, not an award ceremony. Relax.”

“You think my accent is cute?” Sakura asked, batting her eyelashes, and Chaeyeon roller her eyes in fake annoyance.

“I take it all back.”

—

The speech had gone well. People had laughed when they were supposed to, and even Hyewon had ended up tearing up a little after Sakura thanked her for being such a good friend and wished her a happy future with her now wife.

By that point of the night, everyone was dancing. Eunbi and Hyewon were in their own world, slow dancing with their foreheads resting against each other even when the DJ put on something more fast paced after their first dance. Yuri had also dragged Yena to the dancefloor some time ago, and Sakura was wondering if she should do the same with her own date even if she hated dancing when Chaeyeon suddenly showed up and offered her a hand to get up from the chair.

“Let’s go.”

“Go where?” Sakura asked, although she let herself be led by the other woman without hesitation. She didn’t notice her stealing a bottle of champagne from the bar until they were outside in the garden and Chaeyeon showed it to her proudly.

“You thief.” Sakura gasped dramatically, and Chaeyeon giggled. Without letting go of her hand, she found a bench for them to sit. They managed to open the bottle, not without a little struggle.

“This is nice.” Chaeyeon sighed, after taking a few sips from it, and handed it to the other woman so she could do the same. It was nice. The air was a little cold, but after being in the room full of people it was a welcome change. Even more when it made Chaeyeon move closer against her to stay warm.

“Today brought back memories.” Chaeyeon said.

“Of what?” Sakura said, eyeing her curiously.

“The wedding.”

“Oh, of the one you didn’t celebrate in the end?” Sakura joked, really hoping it wasn’t still too soon for that. From the loud laugh that came from Chaeyeon, she guessed it wasn’t.

“Do you know when I realized I was going to make a mistake? The night before the wedding, when I imagined myself getting married and I realized it wasn't him I was picturing at my side."

“Who was it?”

“You.”

That was the moment, Sakura knew it in her bones. Her second chance. And she had promised herself she wasn’t going to waste it.

“Have I told you you look beautiful today?” She told Chaeyeon with a soft smile. She hadn’t been able to take her eyes off her since she first saw her in that dress, all dressed up for the wedding. She was always beautiful to her, even in her scrubs, but today she kept taking her breath away.

“Only about a hundred times since you picked me up.” She replied, pretending to be annoyed, but the blush on her cheeks told a different story.

“Sorry, I just can’t help myself.”

“Sakura...” Chaeyeon said, a little shyly, making her smile at how cute she sounded.

“What?”

“Just kiss me already.”

Chaeyeon’s lips felt so soft against hers Sakura thought maybe it was just a product of her imagination again. But then, Chaeyeon’s nose bumped against hers and it broke the pacing of the kiss a little, but it made them both giggle and the imperfection just made it even better. Because Sakura knew for sure it was real.

The flutter in her stomach when Chaeyeon got bold and deepened the kiss, the feeling of the soft skin of her cheek under Sakura’s fingertips, the sharpness of her jaw when she lowered her hand to leave it on the back of Chaeyeon’s neck to bring her even closer. The little noise Chaeyeon made when she bit her lower lip softly. How breathless she felt when they finally broke the kiss. It was all real.

“I had been waiting for that for a long time.” Sakura whispered, her lips still grazing Chaeyeon’s when she talked.

“Was it worth the wait?” She could feel Chaeyeon’s smile.

“Yes.” Sakura answered, knowing that everything that was going to happen afterwards was only going to make it more worth it. “It was.”

**Author's Note:**

> @namosjeong at twitter


End file.
